NarutEMO
by sanicpanic
Summary: The peaceful village of Konoha gets a few unusual visitors that shake things up a little! Space ninjas? Completely un-ironic emo teenagers that would rather party than be ninjas? Yes! Both of those things! And so much more! Some language. Crack fic.


Naruto gave a heavy sigh. "What a hard day." He sat himself down, rubbing his hands on his thigh. Naruto only had one thigh. One moist, sweaty thigh.

Levi Ackerman chuckled from atop his horse. "I hate tall trees and tall people."  
Jean, Levi's horse, was scared of Naruto's sweaty thigh and ran away into the forest with Levi on his back. Levi was not happy.  
"My thigh is raw." Naruto said with a waggle.  
Thomas Edison strolled his fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine booty on in, bringing along Shrek's butt. Shrek had died earlier in a tragic miscommunication between him and his lover, and Edison had looted the corpse, taking with him only Shrek's butt. It was too good of a butt to waste. Naruto was shocked when he saw Edison's booty. He immediately fell down on his knees in worship of what he firmly believed was god.  
Naruto broke his kneecap from falling down on them, but Edison just waggled himself around without a care in the world.  
"I smell like beef, and moldy bread." Naruto muttered. He lifted his hand to his nose and breathed in deeply. Naruto was obviously aroused.  
Nicolas Cage agreed with Naruto. "It's true," he confirmed, "he does smell like beef, and a little bit like bread."  
"I am beef." Naruto insisted.  
"Yaaaaaaasssssss. I love me some beef!" Edison scooted around in a circle pointlessly.  
Suddenly, the heavens opened up and struck Edison with a bolt of lightning. Nobody was surprised. "Not again." Edison sighed. He then fell over dead, his body returning to the hell from whence he came. All that remained were Shrek's ass remnants cooked to a golden brown color.

Naruto's stomach rumbled. He looked at the ass steaks sitting in front of him. He licked his lips. Shadow the Hedgehog was looking upon him as he did this. "Oh yes." Shadow whispered gently.  
"IM GONNA EAT ASS" Naruto hollered, doing a ninja handshake and producing a knife and fork. He prayed. "Itadakimasssssu" Naruto then ate shrek's ass and LOVED IT.  
Shadow walked over and asked "Can I get some of dat fine, golden ass?"  
Naruto hissed protectively of his ass food. "NoOOOooooooOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" He then sang a peppy jingle and scuttled away with his booty, shouting, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki!" He did a ninja leap and became Hokage of the Leaf Village; he made everyone eat butts all day everyday.  
Rock Lee rolled around on the floor happily."I love eatin ass, its so tasty!"  
Sasuke brooded in the corner and laid an egg. "It's my child" He whispered lovingly.

Sakura cried and bit some dude's arm. When the guy complained, she got very close to his face and whispered, "I am a healer. I can fix all wounds. Let me fix you" She stroked his face softly. He tried to run away but she was too quick. "Let me love you!" She yowled.

That man was none other than our good lil' emo buddy, Gerard Way. "When I was a young boy, my father took meeeeeee into the city to see a marching band. He said son when ya' grow up will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned. He said will you defeat them your demons and all the non believers the plans that they made. Because one day I'll leave you a phantom to lead you in the summer to jooooooooooooooooooin the Black Parade."

Gerard sang "Nanananananananananananana!"

Sakura punched him in the face and he shut up. "Teenagers scare the living shit outta me" he muttered angrily, and jumped out the window and flew away.

Sasuke snapped. "Ground control to Major Tom, ground control to Major Tom. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on. Ground Control to Major Tom. Commencing countdown, engines on. Check ignition, and may God's love be with you. This is ground control to major tom you've really made the grade and the papers wants to know whose shirts you wear. Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare.

Gaara broke in. "I'm becoming less defined as days go by. Fading away, well you might say I'm losing focus. Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself. Sometimes, I think I can see right thru myself. Less concerned about fitting into the world. Your world that is, cause it doesn't really matter anymore. None of this really matters anymore. Yes, I am alone but then again I always was. As far back as I can tell, I think it maybe it's because you were never really real to begin with. I just made you up to hurt myself. Yeah, I just made you up to hurt myself. And it worked. Yes, it did! There is no you! There is only me! There is no you! There is only me! Only, only, only. Well, the tiniest little dot caught my eye. And it turned out to be a scab. And I had this funny feeling like I just knew it's something bad. I Just couldn't leave it alone; I kept picking at that scab and it was a doorway trying to seal itself shut, but I climbed through. Now, I'm somewhere I'm not supposed to be. And I can see things I really shouldn't see. And now I know why, and now I know why, things aren't as pretty on the inside. There is no you, there is only me. There is no you, there is only me! Only, only, only."

The musical village of Konoha was so full of music and emo children that the emo powers lifted the entire village off the ground and into the sky. The people were not afraid, strongly believing that the emo gods would protect them from the harsh reality that they were hurtling towards their death. They refused to give up their emo ways. Konoha was never heard from again. They went off to listen to Pierce the Veil and shit like that in emo heaven.

Once the ninja world finally invented time travel (like four months later) they launched an exploration to find the lost and fabled village of konoha in the stars. The space ninjas looked for three days before they finally found what they were looking for, but none of the earth ninjas would know this. What the space ninjas found was a wonderful asteroid full of old emo ninjas jamming out to the same song over and over again on repeat. The space ninjas could not handle the sheer emoness of the asteroid that they exploded and their blood rained ontop of the emo ninjas.  
"Hey look there's blood on my floor!" The hokage, NarutEMO, said.  
Everyone was delighted. "Blood on the dancefloor! Blood on the dancefloor!" they chanted in harmony. The loud chanting broke the asteriod into big chunks.  
Bits of asteroids pierced the veil of the emo ninjas's protective ninja began to panic at their disco and ran away. Before the asteroid could hurt anyone they all fled and escaped the fate awaiting them. though seven emo children were killed in the great escape. The seven emo children's ghosts went on a quest to avenge themselves.

The universe got annoyed at the shenanigans that were happening and decided to blow itself up. Everyone died.

~~~The End~~~


End file.
